“Why does God
Sit back and watch
So many lost
What kind of mother
Leaves a child in the traffic
Turning tricks in the dark
What kind of God?”- Marilllion
I don’t remember my dad but I have always loved Mommy.
When we were kicked out of our little home, I cried.
We slept on the streets. We were cold and shivering.
Mommy found a shelter for us to stay and I was warm and my stomach was full.
I saw the other kids at the shelter and they had both their mommy and their daddy.
I looked with wonder and Mommy looked with hurt.
I wanted her hurt to go away, I loved my mommy.
Soon Mommy would leave me alone for most of the day.
She would come back and when she talked it was all slurry.
She didn’t walk straight.
I saw the man who ran the shelter come to us.
He was a nice man.
He started talking to Mommy.
He looked at me as he raised his voice at Mommy.
He pulled her sleeve up and then shook his head and pointed to the door.
“Sorry kid” and walked away.
Mommy grabbed our things and pulled my arm, too hard and we left.
I did not want to leave but I loved my mommy.
We went to a beat up building.
It smelled and I heard noises.
There was a man in a t-shirt there. It was cold in those rooms but he wore a t-shirt.
He scared me. I think he scared mommy too.
He slapped Mommy across the face and she fell down.
I was crying so loudly. He kept hitting Mommy.
Mommy and I would stay there and I would have nothing.
I had a dirty mattress, no sheets and no pillow.
The heat didn’t work and the man would throw me a half-eaten burger
Mommy stayed so what else could I do? I loved my mommy.
Mommy would go into his rooms sometimes.
I would hear her screaming through hands that covered my ears.
She would come back to me bruised and walking like that day in the shelter.
Some days she would go out and I would be left alone.
Not alone, the man in the t-shirt was there and I was afraid and start crying.
“Shut up brat. I will make you do what your mommy is doing for me.”
Where was Mommy? I loved my mommy.
When she came home she would be crying herself.
I cried and begged for us to go back to the shelter.
I once cried so loudly, that Mommy slapped me too.
“He cannot hear you say those things.”
I rubbed my face. My lip was getting bigger and wet.
I said I was sorry.
It was my fault because I loved my mommy.
One night Mommy grabbed me and our things.
The man in the t-shirt was in his room with some other lady.
We ran down the stairs and onto the cold sidewalk.
Mommy kept pulling me along but I was so tired.
I was so cold. I just wanted to lie down.
I think Mommy knew. She would stop and go up to each car and check if the door was locked.
I think after a number bigger than ten cars, a door opened.
Mommy smiled. “Get in kid” as she opened the back seat.
I knew this was not our car but I was so sleepy I didn’t care.
She got the car to start and I felt the heat. I loved my mommy.
We drove for a little ways and Mommy said we would have to stop for a bit.
“I need to get some money kid so we can leave.”
I just nodded my head.
We went to a dark corner with an alley next to it.
The lamp was busted above but the one down the street worked.
There were ladies walking up and down the block and cars would stop by.
I saw ladies get in cars or use bad words to tell other cars to get lost.
Mommy said she would be right back and opened the door to leave.
I didn’t want to be left alone anymore. I loved my mommy.
She looked back at me with her eyes so sad.
“I won’t be long kid and we can leave this Popsicle stand.”
She smiled then but only her mouth smiled.
She went to the corner and walked a little bit up and down.
A car stopped by and the window rolled down.
Mommy leaned into the window and the man there gave her money.
The car went into the alley and mommy followed.
She looked at me and signaled with her hand “five”.
I felt so alone but I slept knowing she was coming back. I loved my mommy.
I woke up in the back of the car.
I heard Mommy screaming.
There were blue lights. They were so bright, flashing, bouncing off the buildings.
They hurt my eyes. I heard Mommy screaming…for me.
I was scared. I tried to get out of the back of the car. I started screaming too.
This lady was there. She was blessed in blue with a blue hat and a shiny thing on her chest.
“It is going to be okay” She told me.
I struggled to get past her to get to Mommy. My arms reached out.
I saw Mommy’s arms reach out to me.
The lady was still there and she had a nice face, like the man at the shelter.
“Everything is going to be alright. We are going to take care of you.”
I didn’t care. I knew one thing only. “But I love my mommy.”